My Battle With Trust

I had a realization tonight. I just feel like it's such a waste of time and

energy to worry about somebody potentially cheating on you. If I choose to trust somebody, I trust them. And of course, if some weird shit comes up to my face, I'm not gonna be in denial.

I Will take notes, and I will observe, but I don't have the time or the energy to constantly be in circles, like, you know, feeling weird or insecure about shit like that. Like, and if anything, he should be worried about me.

So I think tonight is just an ending for me. I'm not going to be perpetuating any of that behavior anymore. It's just not for me. It doesn't serve me and it's quite frankly very exhausting. So I will trust somebody until they absolutely give me a reason not to. And that's my new mantra. Because I'm just so over putting myself through so much anxiety and raising my cortisol over stupid shit like that. If somebody wants to risk their bond with me, go right ahead. Go right ahead.

I'm a very strong person and I just got done with my Twitch stream. It was perfect. It was wonderful. I played with a viewer on DVD. The game sucked dick. We didn't get any fucking outs, but that's okay. That's alright.

That's okay. That's okay. We almost got out on the first one, but... Yeah, I'm just super proud of myself and all of my improvements, whether it's in music, streaming, sex work. I'm going to have to post something, actually.

And then right after I record this, I'm most likely going to be hopping on cam because I need to make some money. I have to get myself out of this hole. So wish me luck, future me. I don't need it. I will definitely make it out like I always do. I'm going to keep pushing forward and doing me and being awesome. And I don't need to cling on to anybody. I don't need to force myself to prove myself to people…I am the prize. I am the solution extremely valuable person and I'm a very, very